Will You Be Mine?

14 Feb

I originally named my blog, Wendy Jane’s Black Crush, because I thought it  would reflect how much I liked black people. But then I attended Hollis Gillespie’s Famous Atlanta Blogging Workshop this past summer. Hollis’s co-instructor, Mike Alvear, said, “that name sounds like a white chick who is into black guys.” I knew my love was much broader than that, and while I will write about the white gal/black guy thing, I did go ahead and change the name of my blog to Wendy Jane’s Soul Shake.

I also changed the launch date of WJSS. I thought I’d start on Monday, you know, beginning of the week.. it seemed like a logical and tidy thing to do. But, then I remembered Tuesday was Valentines Day, and I thought, “Perfect!” This will be my Valentine to black people to let them know how much I like them.

Now I know saying “black people” is going to get me into trouble.  It’s like I’m putting all the black people in the world in a generic, one-size-fits-all basket. Whether you’re black or white, you might be scratching your head and thinking, she likes us just for the color of our skin?  Or, she likes them  just for the color of their skin?  You’re thinking, people are individuals—you might not like some of us, some of us might be jerks, just like we may not like some of you, because some of you might be jerks. I’m sorry, but I don’t have an answer yet on why I’ve always wanted to make connections across color lines.  Nor do I have a solution for, at times, using the generic term, black people.

For today, all I want to say is, “Welcome to Wendy Jane’s Soul Shake.

Will You Be Mine?”


7 Responses to “Will You Be Mine?”

  1. Ken Harge February 14, 2012 at 10:38 pm #

    Wow…and I’ll see that wow…and raise you a triple WOW!!! I’m not quite sure why but this is interesting. I’d like to see how it develops. The site looks great, and I want to congratulate you on your launch. I hope you have thick skin!! Peace, KLH

    • Wendy Jane Grossman February 14, 2012 at 10:56 pm #

      Thanks, Ken! I truly appreciate your feedback and good wishes. I hope I have thick skin—I don’t really, and I’ll probably cry some days, but I’m just trying to be brave, honest, and put it out there because the goal is really to connect and see what people think, and not be afraid to create conversations on race.

      • Kelly February 16, 2012 at 9:24 pm #

        I got your back!!

        • Wendy Jane February 16, 2012 at 9:48 pm #

          Thanks, Kelly.:)

  2. Sherry Gordon April 8, 2014 at 8:31 am #

    Dear Wendy,
    Hi, there, Wendy! I just love this wonderful and great blog post article of yours! I have so, so many thoughts on what you so graciously shared here! I think that it is fantastic that you as a heterosexual white woman love and are attracted to black men. I am so, so saddened that there are many black women (not me, though) out there, in particular heterosexual black women, who are so mean and upset over interracial relationships between white women and black men. I get so upset and angry toward those other black women, because they make it seem like every single black woman out there has the same opinion as they do and I sure don’t! As a lesbian black woman who I am, I love white women and I think that white women are very attractive! I am not like those other black women and I don’t like how they try to make it seem as if they are representatives for how all black women supposedly think-I sure don’ think the same way that they do and I don’t agree with their opinions and perspectives! I worry so that when I am out in public or shopping at the grocery store or other stores, or walking in public that when I see an interracial couple of a white woman together with a black man, I don’ t want them to think that I am a mean black woman like how some other black women can be! I always smile and say “hi” in order for them to know that I am not mean and not against them the way other black women can be! Also, when I am in public or around my neighbors who are white women, even in public if I don’t know the particular white women I see, I always smile and say “hi” so that they know that I am not a mean black woman and that I don’t dislike or hate white women the way some other black women can be! Also, I have two older brothers, and when they were teenagers and even in their adult lives they have had interracial relationships with white women. I remember being jealous of my older brothers and I would often get crushes on their white girlfriends! I used to be in the closet as a lesbian black woman, and I would feel so, so trapped when I used to fear being open about my feelings, and I thought that black men still had male privilege and that they could at least be open about their feelings! I am so, so glad that I am being more open about my feelings! I truly love your spectacular and honest writings and sharings, Wendy! It is such a great joy reading them! Have a very nice, special, and a very blessed day to you, Wendy!
    Very Sincerely Always,
    Sherry Gordon

    • Wendy Jane April 13, 2014 at 1:33 pm #

      Hi Sherry,

      Again, thank you for taking the time to read more of my posts on WJSS. I think it’s great that you make the effort to show people in interracial couples that you support their love. And I don’t really think there are “mean black women” but perhaps women who are black that are, as you say, not open at all to the idea, and want to put black men and/or white women down for coming together–when I hear that black women feel let down–even singer Jill Scott wrote on this, when they see “another accomplished black man with a white woman, as if black women weren’t good enough.” I want to respect everyone’s differing opinions, and yes, it is very complex–the structures and systems built idealizing white, European beauty standards, or because of oppression the idealizing that being with a white woman somehow means you’ve done better, which of course I don’t agree with these, but there is a lot of psychological mess that comes with the history of oppression and sexuality between races. And, yet, I wish for us in this age, to be more open (easier for me as a white woman to say this, I know) and be able to love who we love because we love them as the whole person that they are, and not just for the color of their skin or their ethnicity. I admire your generous spirit in reaching across color lines and letting white people and interracial couples know you want to connect with them, and that you support their love for one another.

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